Time to Say Goodbye
by BBT78
Summary: Two years ago Leonard lost his beloved wife Penny in a tragic incident. Now still struggling with his grief and faced with raising his daughter alone, he continues to be haunted by the events of that fateful night. Mainly a Leonard story with Penny featuring in flashbacks. WARNING: This story features a major character death. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Bang Theory.
1. Chapter 1

**I actually wrote this story some time ago so it is not a sequel to any of my previous fanfics. This is a sad story which centres around the death of a major character. Although the story is set in the future some chapters will be told using flashbacks and will feature Penny. I'm not sure how this will be received but lets see...**

"Great. That just what I need" muttered Leonard and took a swig from the now lukewarm coffee in his travel mug

"I'm really sorry Dr. Hofstadter I really wish there was something that I could do, but my hands are well and truly tied this time" Professor Gablehauser said regretfully "I know your research is at a really critical point…"

Leonard's day had gone from bad to worse. He had already slept through his alarm and had been late dropping his daughter Grace to school and arriving at work. It was now lunchtime and his boss had called him into tell him that the budget for the experimental physics department was to be subject to a substantial cut.

"Well like you say your hands are tied. I'm sorry about being late Professor I assure you it won't happen again. Is that everything?" Leonard said eager to draw the conversation to a close and get back to his lab. Other than his close friends and colleagues Sheldon, Raj and Howard he rarely associated with any other people at work anymore preferring to keep himself to himself.

"Just one minute Leonard" Professor Gablehauser said and signalled for Leonard to be seated again "How are things?"

Leonard lowered himself back down into the seat and began to detail the progress of his current experiment only to be interrupted mid-sentence by his boss.

"That's not what I meant Leonard, I'm asking you as a friend not your boss, how are things at home? It can't be easy bringing up a young child on your own"

Leonard turned his head and gazed out the window at the students that were sat on the grass outside eating lunch and wished he could be anywhere but where he was now. He hated being forced into a situation where had to talk about his late wife.

"Thank you for your concern Professor but both Grace and I are doing just fine. Everyone sleeps through an alarm every now and then. It's just been a hectic week that's all" he answered hoping that he would be successful convincing him "Once I finish my paper this weekend everything will be under control"

Professor Gablehauser stood up and walked around to the other side of his desk and perched on the edge directly in front of where Leonard was seated. Leonard shifted awkwardly in his chair as he anticipated what his boss was about to say.

"You know the university has an excellent counselling service Leonard. Maybe it would help to talk to someone..."

"Thanks for your concern Professor but like I said Grace and I have all the support we need" Leonard insisted firmly before getting up and walking towards the door. He was about to turn the door knob and exit the room when Professor Gablehauser spoke again

"Leonard nobody expects you to cope with this on your own. Losing your wife in the way that you did.." his voice trailed off as though as he tried to imagine the pain that Leonard must be feeling and felt a chill creep up his spine.

"My door is always open if you need to talk"

Leonard stepped out into the hall and proceeded around the corner so that he was out of sight. Hot tears had begun to sting his eyes. Afraid that someone might see he quickly wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket and headed for the sanctuary of his lab. He needed to keep busy. Keeping himself in a state of constant busyness was the only thing that got him through each day. Even after two years later the pain was still as raw as it had been the day Penny had been taken from him. As he hurried along the hall trying to avoid eye contact with the people passing he heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Leonard"

It was his friend Howard Wolowitz who worked at the same university as an aerospace engineer.

"Not now Howard I'm in a hurry I can't stop" Leonard called back over his shoulder

"I just wanted to check whether it's still ok for me and Bernie to come over for takeout tonight ? remember like we arranged last week?"

By the time Howard spoke Leonard had already exited through the double doors at the end of the hall and was ascending the stairs to his lab.

"So see you tonight then" Howard called after him

Leonard decided that he couldn't face joining his friends in the cafeteria for lunch, instead opting to stay hidden away in his lab preparing for the physics lecture that he was due to give to a class of undergraduate students that afternoon. An hour later as he watched the students file into the lecture theatre and take their seats he couldn't help but think that the day couldn't be over soon enough. The afternoon dragged by and when the lecture finally drew to a close the clock on the wall read 4:10pm, Leonard knew if he left now he should be able to beat the Friday traffic and arrive on time to pick up Grace from her after school club.

"Dr. Hofstadter" a voice said

"Yes"

Leonard looked up from shutting down his laptop to see a male student wearing jeans and a Star Wars t-shirt, a duffle bag hung over his shoulder.

"My name is Daryl Jenkins do you have a minute? I really would like to speak to you"

Leonard looked back up at the wall clock and frowned

"Sorry not really Daryl I have to pick up my daughter up from her after school club, I really can't be late again this week. If you have a question about the lecture then send me an email and I'll try to get to you ASAP"

By now the lecture theatre had emptied out leaving only Leonard and the student

"How is your daughter?" Daryl asked

Leonard looked bemused by the question

"Excuse me" he said "Do I know you?"

He studied the boy's face, he did look familiar but he just couldn't place where he knew him from

"Yeah sort of, although I guess you don't remember me…."

There was a pause the student stared down at his sneakers for a moment before looking up to meet Leonard's gaze. It was then that Leonard noticed that his hands were shaking.

"I was there the night your wife died" he told him

Instantly images of Penny flashed through Leonard's mind followed by an image of the boy who was now standing in front of him. Without saying anything Leonard snapped close his laptop, stuffed it into its case and swung it over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I can't talk to you" Leonard dismissed

"Please Dr. Hofstadter…" Daryl protested

Leonard had reached the door and had his hand on the door handle, sighing he turned around to look at Daryl still standing in the middle of the room.

"What is it you want from me Daryl?" Leonard demanded

"I just I can't stop thinking about what happened Sir. I try to but I feel so… so guilty"

"Guilty?" Leonard questioned

"Yeah that your wife… Penny that was her name right? That she died and I didn't. She was trying to protect me…. You probably hate me"

It was clear from the desperation in Daryl's voice that he was seeking exoneration, but Leonard had heard enough, this was far more than he was able to cope with.

"Daryl there are people that are trained to deal with stuff like this. I'm sorry you feel that way but I really can't help you…."

Turning on his heels Leonard pushed open the door to the lecture theatre and hurried off down the hall silently hoping to himself that Daryl wouldn't attempt to follow him out into the parking lot. Getting into his car he drove straight to Grace's after school club arriving only a few minutes late and found Grace sitting at a table drawing, her face immediately lit up when Leonard walked in.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed

After a brief but sincere apology to the club organizer for being late they left together for the short drive home. Grace was now seven years old and had the same dark brown hair as Leonard and green eyes identical to her mothers. So many people had remarked that Penny would live on through Grace, but they had no idea how much it hurt each time Leonard looked at her. Grace was a constant reminder of everything he had lost. When they got home Leonard made dinner for Grace and sat with her at the kitchen table only half listening to her chatter on about her day at school. After dinner Leonard instructed Grace to go upstairs as it was nearing her bedtime. As he dried the dishes the sound of a voice that had been so familiar to him drifted from the lounge into the kitchen. It was Penny. Putting down the dish he was holding he made his way to the lounge, standing in the doorway he saw his wedding DVD playing on the TV. Grace was sat cross legged on a cushion on the floor staring intently at the screen, in her hand she held the Perspex encased snowflake that Leonard had brought back from his science expedition to the North Pole. This was the first time Leonard had seen the DVD since before Penny had died, all traces of memories of Penny including photographs and her belongings had been put away the day after the funeral. Now Leonard's heart ached at the sight of Penny on the screen. He recognised the voice behind the camera to be that of his brother's Mike.

"So Leonard finally wore you down then? How does it feel to be Mrs Hofstadter?"

"FYI Mike I proposed to Leonard and it's the best thing I ever did" Penny stated and smiled

She had looked so beautiful that day, she had literally taken his breath away. A few moments later the camera panned away from Penny and onto Raj who was holding a glass of champagne he began to playfully mock Leonard. It was all too much. Rushing forward Leonard grabbed the remote control from the floor, snatched the snowflake from Graces hand and switched off the TV.

"Grace what have I told you about going into my cupboard?" Leonard yelled

Grace looked up at her father with wide fearful eyes

"I'm sorry Daddy. I just wanted to see mommy again I couldn't remember what she looked like at school today…"

"I told you NEVER to go in there didn't I?"

Grace nodded slowly her eyes glistening with tears

"Now go to your room! Now Grace I don't want to have to ask you again!" Leonard warned as he pointed at the door

Grace got to her feet and ran out of the room and up the stairs to her bedroom. The moment she disappeared from sight Leonard felt a deep pang of regret. Until recently he had hardly ever raised his voice at his daughter, but he had been so stressed recently and had found himself increasingly taking out his frustrations on her. Before he could climb the stairs to go after her the doorbell rang, with everything that had happened that day Leonard had completely forgotten that Bernadette and Howard were coming over.

"Hi Leonard" Bernadette said and immediately noticing Leonard's exhausted and stressed demeanour

"Oh hi I'm sorry I completely forgot…" Leonard said as he looked down and saw Howard holding a bag containing takeout food "You had better come in"

Leonard headed back towards the lounge. The TV was off now but the box that contained the wedding DVD was still laying on the floor, a beautiful picture of a blissfully happy bride and groom stared up at them. Quickly Leonard bent down picked it up and deposited it on a shelf out of sight. Leonard noticed Howard and Bernadette exchange a glance.

"Were you watching your wedding DVD?" asked Howard

They both knew that Leonard hated any reminders of Penny. Particular any associated with their wedding day.

"Grace had it on" Leonard replied abruptly wanting to divert the conversation away from the DVD and talk of Penny

"Leonard are you ok? You seem a little stressed" Bernadette asked as she slipped off her jacket. Neither she nor Howard had been round to visit recently and she were shocked by how much in disarray the place had gotten.

"Yes I'm fine I just had a bad day that's all. I suppose Raj told you about the funding for my research being cut?"

"Yeah he did I was sorry to hear that"

"Anyway why don't you take a seat?" Leonard moved a pile of Science magazines from the couch to make space for Bernadette and Howard

"Where's Grace?" said Bernadette putting the food cartoons out on the coffee table

"I sent her to her room" replied Leonard without looking up

"Why what did she do?" Howard questioned as he started to tuck into his food

"She went in my cupboard when I've told her so many times already that's she forbidden to ever go in there.."

They both knew that Leonard used the cupboard to store away all the photos and various other items connected with Penny and her memory.

"Really and you yelled at her for that? She's seven years old…." Howard said with concern, Leonard was usually a bit of a soft touch with regard to Grace and rarely yelled at her.

Feeling guilt once more Leonard picked at his food with his fork

"Yeah maybe I did go a bit over the top it …" his voice trailed off

"Do you want me to go check on her?" Bernadette offered "Maybe I could get her ready to bed and ready her a story"

Bernadette was a natural with Grace. Not long after Penny had died Leonard made a will stating that if anything were to happen to him then Bernadette and Howard were to become Grace's guardians. There had been a time when Bernadette had had doubts as to whether she wanted to have children, thinking that her career as a microbiologist would take precedence over having a family, but that had changed not long after she had married Howard. Sadly eight years on and after several attempts at IVF they were still childless.

Leonard thanked Bernadette and watched as she left the room. Howard and Leonard were just flicking through the TV channels when they heard Bernadette's footsteps as she came dashing back down the stairs.

"Leonard Grace is missing, she's not in her room!" she cried


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

For the next five minutes the three friends frantically searched the house of all the possible hiding places, until with horror Howard discovered that the front door had been left ajar. The colour drained from Leonard's face and his heart began to pound in his chest as he realised that all the signs were pointing to the fact that Grace had wandered out of the house and into the street alone.

"Howard come help me look for Grace outside. Bernadette call 911" Leonard ordered as he pulled on his jacket and headed for the door.

As per Leonard's instruction Bernadette took out her cell phone and dialed for the police while Leonard and Howard raced out into the street calling out Grace's name. After searching the length of the street with no sign of Grace they decided to search further afield and split up each taking a different direction. Twenty minutes later they returned to the house, with every passing moment Leonard was becoming increasingly desperate. The last time Howard had witnessed Leonard in such a distraught state had been when Grace had had a severe asthma attack at school a few months ago and had been taken to the emergency room.

"Has she come back?" Leonard demanded as he burst in through the door, silently praying that he would find Grace sitting on the stairs in the way she often did when she would wait for him to return home from work.

Bernadette shook her head in response

"No she isnt here, the police said they would be here as soon as possible" she replied

Dark and terrifying thoughts were beginning to fill Leonard's mind

"What if someone has taken her? I need to get back out there...Oh my God if anything has happened to her…." Leonard cried by now close to breaking point.

"Try to stay calm buddy, we're gonna find her, kids run away all the time" Howard tried to offer some reassurance

This was certainly not true of Grace, up until now she had never even as much wandered off while out shopping in the supermarket or at the mall, preferring always to stay right by Leonard's side.

"And how the hell would you know?" Leonard snapped back at Howard not even caring about the harshness of his remark which was not only totally below the belt, but hurtful for both Howard and Bernadette.

"Hey we're only trying to help Leonard" Bernadette reacted in quick defence of her husband

"Daddy" a timid voice from behind them said

They all swung round to see Grace standing in the doorway, beside her holding her by the hand stood a blond woman who looked to be in about her early thirties, wearing sneakers, sweatpants and a vest top.

"Look who I found when I was out for my run" she said smiling

Leonard let out a deep sigh of relief, bent down and swept Grace up into his arms.

"Honey why did you do that? You scared Daddy. You must promise never to run away like that again, do you hear me?"

Grace buried her face on Leonard's shoulder

"Sorry Daddy" came a muffled reply

Leonard turned towards the young woman stood on his porch

"Thank you so much" he said so grateful that the nightmare was over and that Grace was now home safe and sound.

"No problem. I found her in the park two blocks away. She seems upset about something…" the woman responded

"We've both had a tough day that's all" Leonard attempted to explain as he gently rubbed Grace's back "But she's home safe now, so other than me feeling like I've aged about ten years, there's no real harm done I guess"

"I'm Amber I just moved into the house across the street" Amber stuck out her hand "I think I've seen you around"

"I'm Leonard" Leonard shook hands with his neighbour "I really can't thank you enough Amber"

Amber looked over at Bernadette and smiled sweetly

"You must be Grace's mom"

Bernadette shook her head

"No actually I'm a friend of Leonard's. This is my husband Howard"

Howard stepped forward to introduce himself

"Oh I'm sorry my mistake. Well I'm sure I'll bump into her sometime" Amber said a little embasrrassed by her assumption.

Bernadette and Howard looked over at Leonard. It wasn't their place to inform her of the situation.

"Actually Grace's mom died two years ago" Leonard told her

There was an awkward silence

"Oh I'm so sorry I….." Amber began her heart instantly going out to her new neighbour

"That's ok you couldn't have known" Leonard added hoping to bring the conversation to a swift close.

"Well I think I better go and finish my run. It was nice meeting you all. Goodnight Grace you be a good girl for your Daddy, and no more running away ok?"

Grace looked up from having her face buried on Leonard's shoulder nodded and gave a tiny wave. They watched as Amber ran down the porch steps and back out onto the street. Going back inside Leonard carried his now exhausted daughter up the stairs, dressed her in her nightdress and put her to bed.

"You know that Daddy loves you very much don't you sweetie?" Leonard said softly as he tucked Grace into bed.

"I love you too Daddy"Grace responded

Leonard stayed by his daughters bedside until he was sure she was fast asleep, before returning downstairs to a now stone cold and totally inedible takeout meal. Leonard thanked Bernadette and Howard again, he was extremely grateful that they had been there at his time, he couldn't imagine how he would have coped had they not have been there.

"Leonard Howard and I have been talking" Bernadette began somewhat cautiously "Its Saturday tomorrow, so why don't you bring Grace over to us so you can have a break?We could take her out for the day somewhere…"

"Where? Somewhere like Disneyland?" Leonard snapped "Are you saying I can't cope with looking after my own daughter?"

Howard and Bernadette both immediately understood Leonard's reference to Disneyland.

"No of course not buddy, you just look like you could use a break. It doesn't make you a bad father at all" Howard insisted Leonard was so touchy about his friends offering to help with Grace.

Leonard sighed. He knew that they were right, he was exhausted and very behind on the paper that he was supposed to have completed over a week ago. Not to mention all the household chores that he had been putting off.

"Well what do you say?" Bernadette asked

This time Leonard decided to accept his friend's kind offer.

"I'm sorry guys, yes that would be really nice of you. I'm sure Grace would love to stay over with you. I'll drive her over in the morning"

That night during the drive home Howard and Bernadette found themselves discussing Leonard. Neither of them had realised how badly he had been coping lately, even if he did insist that that wasn't the case, it was obvious that things were anything but ok. Leonard was their friend of many years and it was plain to both of them that he needed help.

The next morning Grace discovered that her favourite soft toy, a pink cat which she called 'Soft Kitty' was missing, Leonard spent the next hour hunting around the house for it but without luck. It took him another half hour to persuade Grace to go over to Bernadette's and Howard's without it, it wasn't any easy she never went anywhere without 'Soft Kitty'. By the time he had dropped her off and driven back home it was past lunchtime. Later than he had hoped, Leonard took out his laptop and began working on his paper. By 9pm it still wasn't finished and he was beginning to feel increasingly frustrated with himself with his lack of concentration and progress. No matter what he did his mind kept wandering off to the events of the previous evening. Despite the fact that Grace had been returned home safe, he could not help but to go over in his mind if something terrible had happened to her. It made him feel physically sick. At 9:30pm there was a knock on the door. Thinking it unusual to have anybody call at that time of night, Leonard went to the front door and opened it only to find that it was his neighbour Amber.

"Oh hi Leonard. I'm sorry to stop by late, but I was just out running in the park and I found this"

Amber held out a pink toy cat, it was Grace's Soft Kitty.

"Grace will be so pleased that you found it Amber, it looks like you saved the day yet again, thank you so much" said Leonard

"You're welcome, I thought I would bring it round now in case Grace likes to have it in bed with her"

Leonard smiled at Amber's thoughtfulness, although he barely knew her, he could sense that she was a kind person.

"Actually Grace is not here right now, she's staying over with friends"

There was a short silence

"Listen would you like to come in for a drink? I was just about to take a break anyway" Leonard offered

"Are you sure Leonard? I don't want to keep you from your work..."

Leonard assured Amber that he was currently suffering with writers block with regard to his paper and a short break was at this point absolutely called for. Amber gratefully accepted Leonard's offer of a drink and waited in the lounge while he opened a bottle of wine in the kitchen. Sat alone on the couch Amber looked around the room and couldn't help but notice that all the photos were of either Grace by herself or of Leonard and Grace. Noticeably there did not appear to be any photos of his late wife.

"You have such a beautiful daughter" Amber remarked eyeing a photo of Grace sat beneath a Christmas tree opening gifts.

"Thank you yeah she's very smart, top of her class in fact" Leonard responded

Leonard sat down on the couch and asked Amber about herself to which she replied there was not that much to tell. She lived alone in the house across the street and worked in the local convenience store while she was figuring out what she wanted to do with her life. Leonard couldn't help but to think she seemed a little old to have not yet found her chosen career path, but then remembered Penny and all the years she had worked in the cheesecake factory whilst aspiring to become an actress. A dream that painfully she had never got to fully realise.

"So what about you Leonard?"

Leonard explained about his job as an experimental physicist at Caltech and Amber seemed to be very much impressed.

"I went to college to do a biology degree., but unfortunately I never finished…." she said regretfully, but did not go on to offer an explanation as why and Leonard found himself wondering what the circumstances had been to cause Amber to drop out of college, but decided that he didn't know her well enough to inquire. There was a short silence while they sipped their wine.

"I'm sorry about your wife Leonard, and for assuming that Bernadette was your wife. I really know how to put my foot in it…"

"That's ok. Like I said before you couldn't have known" Leonard said

"You know Leonard you can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I can't help wondering why Grace ran away like that"

Amber could tell by the expression on Leonard's face that she had touched a nerve, to him it must have sounded like she was prying. In truth she had spent the whole day worrying about the frightened little girl that she had found in the park the night before. She had never encountered someone with such pain and sadness in his eyes.

"I suppose you're thinking I'm a bad father?" Leonard shifted awkwardly on the couch

"No no not at all" Amber insisted "It must be really hard being a single parent, but maybe it would help to have someone to talk with..."

"Well I don't want to talk. Grace and I are just fine as we are, or we would be if people would just butt out" Leonard was quick to dismiss the offer of a friendly ear and Amber was startled by his abruptness. Picking up the empty wine glasses from the coffee table, Leonard told Amber that it was time for him to get back to his work.

"You're right I'm really sorry Leonard, that was very indiscrete of me. I had no right to pry into your business like that I barely know you. I hope you can forgive me…"

As Amber made her way to the door and pulled on her body warmer, Leonard sighed regretfully he had enjoyed having Amber's company and didn't want part on bad terms. Furthermore, he was aware that despite the best efforts of those closest to him he had never talked to anyone about what had happened the night that Penny died. Up until now it had it had been just too painful. But now in the company of practically a virtual stranger, he suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to open up and finally share his story. Leonard opened his mouth to speak and all the painful memories and guilt that he had been surpressing for so long came flooding back...


	3. Chapter 3

"Penny... my wife she was murdered" Leonard's voice trembled and he paused needing to take a deep in breath before being able to go on.

"Grace doesn't know what actually happened, I told her that her Mommy fell asleep and didn't wake up …. Of course I realise one day I will need to tell her the truth, but at the time I just couldn't bring myself to tell her what had happened. I mean how do you explain to a five year old that her Mommy was shot?"

Amber was completely stunned. Her left right hand was now clasped firmly over her mouth and for a few seconds she was rooted to the spot before finally being able make her way back over to the couch and take a seat beside Leonard.

"You don't have to tell me this right now if you don't want to Leonard" she said softly observing the tears forming in his eyes

"No I want to Amber" Leonard insisted "I think it's time..."

Amber rested her hand on Leonard's knee and waited patiently for him to begin his story. After a few more deep breaths Leonard finally began to speak.

"It was the weekend before Grace's fifth birthday, Penny and I had decided to take her to Disneyland. We were so happy back then, we had just decided to start trying for another baby. We had such a great day, Grace totally loved Disneyland, we took so many photos and texted them to our friends. Penny she insisted we all buy Disney t-shirts..."

For a second Leonard smiled at the memory of the three of them wearing their Disney themed t-shirts and then his smile faded as he remembered driving back home and the events that were to follow...

"You seem very quiet honey are you ok?" Leonard asked briefly taking his right hand off the steering wheel to squeeze Penny's hand.

Worn out by the excitement of the day Grace had fallen asleep in the back of the car in her seat and had been sleeping soundly the entire journey. She looked so adorable in the sleeping beauty t-shirt Leonard had brought her, Penny had already commented that they'd probably have a fight on their hands trying to get her take it off, she seemed to love it. It had been a long and happy day, but now they only had about another ten minutes of driving before they would be home.

"Yeah I guess, I just can't get that old lady I saw today out of my head, she looked so much like Grandma you know I could swear it WAS her..."

Penny bit down on her lip as she recalled what had happened earlier that day

"Except you said your grandma died when you was fifteen right? so there's no way it could have been her" Leonard said

It had happened while Leonard had been queuing for hotdogs and sodas and Penny had been sat on a nearby bench waiting with Grace. There among the crowd a short distance away she had seen an elderly lady that was the image of her deceased grandmother. As Penny had stared in disbelief Grace had tugged at her arm and had pointed at somebody in a Goofy costume, when Penny looked back a few seconds later the old lady was gone. The likeness had been so uncanny it had really shaken her, so much so when Leonard returned with the hotdogs he had noticed the paleness of her face and had commented that she looked like she had seen a ghost.

In the car Leonard grinned

"Are you sure there was no schnapps in your soda today?" he teased

He had always had difficulty accepting Penny's belief in psychic phenomena and the supernatural. Penny rolled her eyes at his comment and spotting a gas station in the distance she asked Leonard to pull over.

"Somebody didn't go to the store this morning to get the milk like I asked him to" she said poking Leonard gently in the ribs.

"Sorry honey, but I was so immersed in my game of Halo…"

Penny rolled her eyes again as Leonard pulled the car to a stop on the gas station forecourt. She was half out of the car when Leonard reached out for her and pulled her back.

"Hey Penny I had so much fun today, sometimes I forget how lucky I am. Having my own family is all I've ever really wanted" he told her happily

Penny leant back into the car and gave her husband a long lingering kiss

"Me too I'm so excited that we've decided to have another baby…." she told him her green eyes twinkling as she spoke.

"Me too. Our babies will be smart and beautiful right?" Leonard stroked Penny's arm "Maybe if you're not to tired when we get home we could get to work right away on making another baby Mrs Hofstadter?" he added and flashed her a sexy smile that sent shivers up her spine as she contemplated her gorgeous husband making love to her. Although between work and raising Grace their lives were hectic, they always made time for their lovemaking. The thought that that night they would be making love in the hope of conceiving a baby excited her even more.

Penny was still smiling to herself as she headed towards the gas station store. Back in the car Leonard took out his cell phone to review the photos he had taken that day. As he smiled to himself he was startled by the sound of two gunshots which caused him to drop his phone into the foot well of the car. Leonard watched as two men dressed in hoods and baseball caps emerged from the store ran in front of the car and out onto the street. As they passed by Leonard saw clearly that one of them was holding a gun down by his side. It felt surreal like watching a scene from a movie playing out in slow motion.

"Oh my God Penny!"

His legs felt like jelly as he climbed out of the car and raced towards the store. Bursting through the door he found Penny lying on the floor, her pristine white Minnie Mouse t-shirt was now soaked in blood. She had been shot. The sight of her lying in a pool of her own blood made him feel dizzy and the room began to spin. The cashier, a teenage boy of about seventeen was stood behind the counter in a catatonic state. Pulling himself together Leonard ordered the cashier to call 911. The cashier hesitated.

"Right now dammit!" Leonard screamed

After a delay of a few more seconds the cashier fumbled around for the phone, knocking over a display of candy bars on the counter as he did and sending them scattering across the store floor. Leonard knelt down beside Penny and cradled her head in his lap.

"Penny honey can you hear me?"

Penny groaned and her lips moved but at first no words came out

"Grace" she moaned

"Grace is fine sweetie, you're gonna be fine too. I need you to open your eyes for me can you do that?"

"I'm so tired Leonard...it hurts bad..." Penny replied slowly

"I know it does sweetheart" Leonard said as he gently stroked her hair

Looking down at the floor Leonard could see that Penny was losing blood rapidly. Taking off his hoodie top to reveal his Micky Mouse t-shirt and pressed it to her abdomen in an attempt to slow down the blood loss. Slowly Penny responded to Leonard's request and opened her eyes.

"Good girl I need you to keep looking at me and to squeeze my hand, help is gonna be here real soon, everything's going to be fine I promise you sweetheart. I've never lied to you darling have I?"

Penny was attempting to speak, but her voice were so faint Leonard had to put his ear to her mouth so the he could make out what she was saying.

"I love you Hofstadter" Penny said breathlessly and closed her eyes once more "Tell Grace I love her…"

"No Penny come on open your eyes again for me honey. You just need to hang on few minutes more the ambulance is almost here..."

He could hear the sound of approaching sirens wailing in the distance

"Penny please! Sweetheart don't do this to me.. we're NOT saying goodbye, I won't let you say goodbye, do you hear me?" he yelled with both fear and anger.

Leonard shook Penny to try and rouse her, his pleading becoming more and more frantic as she slowly began to slip away.

"Penny open your eyes... please Penny" he begged "Don't do this to me baby, Grace is starting school in a few weeks... and we're gonna have a new baby remember?..you can't leave us now..."

Leonard was still begging Penny to open her eyes when the paramedics arrived, he then turned his pleading toward them, begging them to help his wife. One of the paramedics crouched down and felt for a pulse.

"What are you waiting for?" Leonard demanded

Seeing the paramedic's bag on the floor Leonard reached inside and pulled out the first item his hand touched, which was a bag valve oxygen mask and thrust it at the grim faced medic.

"I said help my wife!" Leonard yelled again

But it was too late. Penny was gone.

Sitting in the now silence of the lounge Amber had tears rolling down her cheeks and was holding Leonard's hand. He swallowed hard and began to speak again.

"After that I don't really remember what happened, apart from a vague recollection of being at the hospital and giving a statement to the police it's a total blur…. Bernadette and Howard took Grace back to their place...and in the morning I went round there…"

"My God Leonard I'm so sorry" Bernadette wrapped her arms tightly around her friend and broke down upon opening her front door and seeing her friend stood on the doorstep his face ashen with grief. Leonard pulled away his eyes devoid of tears, he couldn't afford to break down now.

"Is Grace ok?" he asked

"Yes she seems alright, but she's been asking for you and Penny I didn't know what to say…"

Bernadette wiped away her tears with a tissue as Leonard walked passed her and into the lounge to find Grace and Howard sat on the floor drawing pictures with crayons.

"Daddy!" Grace exclaimed upon setting eyes on her favourite man in the world.

"Hi sweetheart"

Before Leonard could speak Grace was enthusiastically showing him the picture she had drawn of him. It was of Penny, Leonard and herself at Disneyland. As he stared down at it he could feel himself rapidly losing composure.

"That's wonderful honey, but Daddy needs to talk to you right now"

Leonard took a seat on the couch and signalled for Grace to come sit on his lap. Howard and Bernadette withdrew to the doorway, Bernadette grasped her husband's hand.

"Where's mommy?" Grace asked seeing that her Mom was not at Leonard's side.

Leonard chose to ignore the question. He had to get out what needed to say before he completely fell apart.

"Sweetheart do you remember last year when Daddy brought you Sparkles the guinea pig?"

Grace nodded

"And you remember that one morning when you got up we found that Sparkles had gone to sleep? and that he didn't wake up again? And after that Daddy told you that he'd gone to heaven to be with the angels and Jesus?"

Another nod

"Well last night.." Leonard coughed to clear the catch in his throat "Last night Mommy went to sleep and while she was sleeping Jesus took her"

Grace looked puzzled by her father's statement

"Can't we just ask Jesus to bring her back?"

Tears spilled down Leonard's cheeks as his heart broke, it was just the logical type of response that you would expect from a child as bright as Grace.

"No honey we can't"

"So Mommy's with Sparkles in heaven now?" Grace said

Leonard nodded quickly wiping away his tears with the back of his hand

"Yes sweetheart she is"

"But she always used to forget to feed Sparkles and you had to remind her Daddy" Grace pointed out "What if she forgets to feed him again?"

"I'm sure she won't forget honey" Bernadette soothed entering back into the room

"We should call her and remind her Daddy" Grace insisted pointing at Leonard's pants pocket in which he kept his cell phone.

"I don't think you can take calls in heaven sweetie" Leonard answered he wanted to refuse her request, but seeing her sad pleading eyes somehow he just couldn't. Taking out his phone he brought up Penny's number and pressed call. A few seconds later it went to her voicemail.

"_Hi it's Penny Hofstadter, I can't take your call right now so please leave a message"_

The sound of Penny's voice brought fresh tears to everyone's eyes except Grace who watched as her Daddy spoke quieltly into the phone.

"Hi honey it's Leonard Grace wanted me to call you to…." he hesitated "To remind you to feed Sparkles"

Grace smiled and reminded him to mention the way he liked to be stroked. Leonard obliged.

"I have to go now sweetheart, but Grace wants you to know how much she loves you and how much I love you too. Take care darling"

Hanging up the phone Leonard broke down and sobbed only to be comforted by his daughter whom assured him that it would all be alright now, Mommy wouldn't forget to feed Sparkles.

Back on the couch in the present Amber squeezed Leonard's hand gently and noticed that he was shaking.

"I can't imagine how you coped with all of that Leonard" she said it was truly unimaginable

"That's just it I didn't cope" he answered honestly "When I took Grace back home that day the first thing I saw was Penny's coffee mug on the table in the lounge, it still had her lipstick marks on it… and my games console on the floor just how I had left it... And then it hit me if only I had gone to the grocery store to pick up the milk that morning like Penny asked me to instead of playing that stupid game, we would have had a full carton of milk in the refrigerator and we would have just kept driving ... Penny would still be alive and Grace wouldn't be growing up without her mom...It should have been me Amber, it should have been me that died that night not Penny..."

"Oh Leonard" Amber whispered realising that Leonard blamed himself for Penny's death

"Once I realised it was all my fault I completely lost it Amber. I destroyed every console, video game and controller that I had ever owned until there was nothing left. From then on I refused to play video games, when my friends asked me why I no longer came to Halo or vintage video game night, I told them it was because I was a father now with responsibilities, video games were for boys not men who had been left to raise their daughter alone. I could never tell them the truth that it was fault that Penny died….."

Hearing these words Amber wanted to reach out to Leonard and find some way of convincing him that he shouldn't be blaming himself. It seemed obvious to her that it had been a tragic occurrence that nobody could have possibly foreseen, but the lump in her throat prevented her from speaking. Leonard walked over to the cupboard in the corner of the room and opened it. Reaching inside he pulled out a plastic bag baring the Disneyland California logo and from inside it unfolded a Sleeping Beauty t-shirt.

"Grace pestered me for weeks about the t-shirt we brought her that day. After that night I hid it away and said it was lost, but she kept asking me to take her back to Disneyland to buy her a new one. Of course there was just no way I could... One day when I was feeling particularly low and Grace just wouldn't let up about the t-shirt…I came so close to spanking her… I didn't I stopped myself but I totally hated myself for almost losing control like that. Penny and I both swore we would never spank any of our kids…My God she would be so disappointed in me now…."

Leonard replaced the t-shirt back into the bag and then away in the cupboard.

"So Amber tell me, do you still think I'm a good father?"


	4. Chapter 4

It had been the most harrowing story Amber had ever heard and it pained her to know that Leonard had spent the last two years torturing himself by assuming the blame for Penny's death. Hanging his head Leonard began to sob like a child, he hadn't cried like that since the day of Penny's funeral. Amber pulled him into an embrace and held him tight until eventually his sobs subsided.

"I'm so sorry Amber…." Leonard began wiping his face with a tissue as he finally regained his composure

"Leonard I think you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened, the guilt you're feeling it's eating you up and stopping you from moving forward with your life..." Amber said gently "And for what it's worth I think you're a wonderful father, anyone can see how much you love Grace"

Leonard shook his head

"I can't Amber...I just can't..." his tears beginning to flow once more "That night when Penny died...it felt like I died too, if it hadn't been for Grace I think I would have given up completely..."

That night Leonard for the first time in so long Leonard spoke about Penny, how they had met, her bubbly personality, her wonderful sense of humour and her ambition to be an actress. The talking continued until they realised that it was after midnight. By the time they were saying goodbye the two neighbours had become friends. Hugging Leonard at the door Amber assured him that he could talk to her any time he needed. Feeling emotionally wrung out Leonard climbed the stairs to his bedroom and collapsed fully clothed onto his bed. He didn't awake until his phone sounded the following morning alerting him to a new text message. Putting on his glasses he realised he had over slept having forgotten to set the alarm clock, he had assured Bernadette that he would be over by nine to collect Grace, but it was already after 10am. The text unsurprisingly was from Bernadette.

'_Hi Leonard I figured you must be have over slept. Howard and I are off to have brunch with Sheldon and Amy, so we'll take Grace along with us. Hope you are ok and got your work finished B."_

Leonard felt his heart sink. For the last two years whenever possible he had avoided going to Sheldon's apartment, the place in which he had once been Sheldon's roommate, and the place where Penny lived across the hall and where they had first met. Leonard replied to the text, took a quick shower, dressed and headed out into the late morning sunshine. As he turned his car into Los Robles Avenue and pulled into the parking lot of apartment building 2311N he felt an aching in his chest that intensified the further he ascended the stairs, visiting the place that had been his home for many years had not become any easier. As he reached the hall outside Sheldon's apartment he found himself staring at the door to apartment 4B. Stood in the very spot where Penny had first revealed to him that she loved him his mind drifted back and he could hear her words...

_"Listen to me you're the one I'm with, you know I love you, so please relax because you're driving me crazy…."_

So lost in his own memories was he that Leonard didn't hear the door to the Sheldon and Amy's apartment open. His friend Raj stood in the doorway.

"Leonard are you ok dude?" he asked with raised eyebrows

"Erm yeah I was just….I'm here to pick up Grace..."

"Sure come in Amy just made eggs and bacon do you want some?"

Leonard walked into the apartment to be greeted by the smell of bacon cooking. Amy was in the kitchen talking with Bernadette drinking coffee and Sheldon and Howard were seated on the couch with Grace between them engaged in playing a video game.

"Look Daddy Sheldon and Howard are teaching me to play Super Mario Brothers!" Grace exclaimed

"Looks like we've finally found our fourth player for vintage video game night Leonard" Sheldon stated, completely missing the look of sheer annoyance on Leonard's face.

Ignoring his friends in the room Leonard spoke directly to his daughter

"Get your things Grace it's time to go home now"

Grace groaned and protested and stamped her feet to show her displeasure at being dragged away from playing video games.

"Oh come on Leonard its Sunday, let her have some fun take a seat and pull up a controller" Howard said without taking his eyes of the screen

"I said get your things please Grace. I don't want to have to ask you again" Leonard repeated

Grace groaned once more but this time jumped down from the couch and headed to the bedroom to retrieve her bag. Howard hit pause on the game.

"What's going on Leonard?" he asked "Would it really hurt to stay for a while and play some games? Just because you seem to have forgotten how to have fun, does that mean Grace can't have any fun either?"

Leonard scowled at Howard

"Don't push me Howard; I'm really not in the mood today. You know full well that I don't like Grace playing video games...and besides I still haven't finished my paper and there's a mountain of laundry back at home that needs to be done by tomorrow…."

Realising that he may have overstepped the line Howard apologised to his friend

"I'm sorry Leonard; we're just all worried about you buddy"

Leonard looked around at the concerned faces of his friends

"You know Penny would hate to see you so unhappy Leonard" Raj added "She loved you; she'd want you to be living your life instead of.."

"Instead of what?!" Leonard snapped angrily

"Instead of acting like you're the person that died" Sheldon said

All eyes in the room turned on Sheldon as a result of his bluntness. The truth was they were all thinking the same thing, the way Leonard hid himself and his feelings away from his friends was a source of deep concern for all of them. Just then Grace reappeared in the room holding her hello kitty rucksack and wearing her coat.

"Say goodbye and thank you to Bernadette and Howard for having you stay over and to Sheldon and Amy for the brunch"

Grace obediently said thank you and was met with a chorus of_ 'you're welcome honey'_.

Leonard said and steered Grace out of the door and into the hall. Just as they were passing through the hall the door to Penny's old apartment opened and a grey haired elderly lady in a pink apron appeared in the doorway.

"You're living in my Mommy's apartment" Grace stated pointing at the woman

The woman looked confused

"Sorry she means that her Mom _used_ to live here" Leonard explained "It was a long time ago" and then he attempted once again to steer Grace towards the stairwell.

The woman smiled sweetly and Grace continued to converse with her

"She met my Daddy here too…but then she died and went to Heaven. She fell asleep like Sleeping Beauty only she didn't wake up…." Grace announced

"Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom" the woman said and looked up at Leonard

"Is this your Daddy?" she asked

Grace nodded

"Well it just so happens I've just finished baking some cookies, would you like to come inside for a moment and have some?"

The thought of stepping inside Penny's old apartment tipped Leonard over the edge. It was something he knew he would be totally unable to cope with, especially as he feelings were still so raw having shared his story with Amber.

"I'm sorry that's really generous of you Mam but we're kinda in a hurry to get home…." Leonard took Grace's hand and began to lead her towards the staircase, Grace started to tug on his hand and protested.

"Please Daddy I want to have cookies in Mommy's apartment!" she said eagerly her eyes wide with excitement

"Its ok honey maybe you can come by another time" the woman called noticing Leonard's reluctance and apparent haste to get going

Already disappointed by being dragged away from playing video games Grace continued to tug on Leonard hand

"Please Daddy!"

"I said no Grace!"

The door to Sheldon and Amy's apartment opened just in time for Howard and Bernadette to witness Grace screaming at Leonard

"I hate you! I hate you!" she repeated

Before Leonard could stop her Grace had bolted and was running down the stairs

"Grace get back here now!" Leonard yelled after her as she disappeared around the corner and out of sight

"Let me go after her" Bernadette said

By the time Bernadette reached the building foyer Grace was attempting to open the door that led to the street outside

"Grace Honey" Bernadette grabbed Grace around the waist "Honey you mustn't run away from your Daddy like that" she gently chastised

As Leonard reached the bottom of the staircase he could hear Grace whimpering

"Bernadette I want to come live with you and Howard" she blurted as she buried her face on Bernadette's stomach

Although it was clear that his daughter was angry and upset, Leonard couldn't help but feel hurt by hearing Grace say that she wanted to live with Bernadette and Howard. To him it was the final confirmation of his failure to be a good father to her.

"It's ok Grace" Bernadette soothed stroking Grace's hair "Howard and your Daddy are going to go for a talk and you're going to come home with me and bake some cakes, that sounds like fun doesn't it?"

Grace nodded through her tears.

"Daddy's so sorry sweetheart..." Leonard began only for Grace to turn her face away

"I'll talk to her" Bernadette mouthed to a clearly distraught Leonard before taking her by the hand and leading her outside.

"Come on buddy" said Howard and patted Leonard on the shoulder.

Without saying a word Leonard followed his friend out into the midday sunshine. The two men remained silent as they walked a couple of blocks eventually stopping outside a bar.

"It's only just 12'o clock" Leonard remarked

"Yeah well you look like you could use a drink – I know I could"

They entered the bar and Howard ordered two beers from the bar tender

"So are you gonna tell me what happened back there?" asked Howard as they sat down in a table booth out of ear shot of the other customers.

Howard shook his head

"I really don't know Howard" he answered "It's like everything is falling apart at the moment... you heard Grace she says she hates me"

Howard watched as Leonard began to peel the label of his beer bottle

"She doesn't hate you Leonard, you're like her number one superhero. She's just confused and I'm sure she knows how unhappy you are and its making her unhappy too…"

Leonard shrugged

"Listen Bernie and I were talking last night, we both think you should get away for a while, take a vacation, maybe you could go stay with your in-laws in Nebraska for a few weeks?"

Leonard took a long swig of his beer as he considered Howard's suggestion

"I don't know Howard I have so much work to do…."

"Surely nothing can be more important than spending some time with Grace?" Howard pointed out

Leonard knew Howard was right. They both needed a break and there was no time like the present and his boss had been keen for him to take some time off. Taking out is cell phone he dialled his in-laws number. After two rings his father-in-law answered.

"Hi Wyatt its Leonard"


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later Leonard and Grace arrived in Nebraska to stay with Penny's parents. The last time Leonard had visited his in-laws had been not long before Penny had died and at first it felt very weird. The house where Penny's parents lived was full of reminders of Penny. There were photos of her in almost every room and Wyatt had planted a rosebush in the back yard in her memory. Howard had been right about the need for Leonard to get away and spend some time with Grace, it was only now that he had come to appreciate that he had been so caught up with his work that he had neglected her. During their stay Grace developed an interest in riding horses so Wyatt had offered to pay for her to have lessons at a nearby stable.

"She seems a natural" remarked Wyatt as he and Leonard watched Grace being led around a paddock on a pony

"Yeah it's so good to see her really enjoying something" Leonard replied

"She so reminds me of Penny at that age, she sure did love to ride..."

Wyatt gave a sad smile and the two men fell silent as they continued to watch Grace gaining confidence in the saddle.

"It's really nice having you and Grace stay Leonard. We can't believe how big Grace gotten over the last year"

Wyatt patted Leonards arm

"Thank you Wyatt. We're loving being here it's so good to see you and Linda again, Grace adores you both"

This time when Wyatt's smiled it was not sad

"You know Leonard you never really talked much about the night that Penny died, but I always got the sense that somehow you blamed yourself for what happened"

Wyatt was a very perceptive man. Right from the very beginning he had always been very fond of Leonard and had encouraged him to not give up on getting back together with his daughter after he had found out that they had broken up.

"If I'm right Leonard I just want you to know that neither me nor Linda blames you for what happened. We know how much you loved Penny, we're only sorry that they still haven't caught those sons of bitches that killed our daughter and made them pay for what they did..." Wyatt said with bitterness in his voice

There wasn't a day that went by that Leonard didn't curse the fact that the two robbers that had shot Penny had never been caught, they were still free having taken Penny's life and destroyed the lives of so many others.

"You're like a son to us Leonard, if you ever need anything at all you have to do is ask"

Leonard was touched by Wyatt's kindness, he was by far closer to Wyatt than he was to even his own father.

"Look Daddy" Grace called out her face beaming now that she was riding the pony by herself

"Good job honey" called back Leonard and smiled with pride at his daughter's achievement

That night after both Grace and Penny's mom had gone to bed Leonard and Wyatt sat up talking and drinking beer until dawn was breaking in the Nebraskan sky. They had talked about various things, but mainly about Penny. They had laughed and cried. Wyatt was so interested to hear all the funny little stories that Leonard could tell about Penny. Like about the time she had accidently shot a paint gun onto Sheldon's spot on the couch and had tried to cover it up. And the time she had starred in a production of Rent despite the fact that she couldn't sing and as such Sheldon has insisted on fabricating a complicated lie in order to cover up the fact that they didn't want to go.

"You know I adored everything about Penny, she was extremely talented in so many ways, but seriously she couldn't sing" Leonard laughed

"You don't have to tell me Leonard, I had to endure her throughout her teens singing in the shower every morning, that girl I tell you she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket..."

Seeing the now sad expression on Wyatt's face Leonard's laughter faded

"I miss her Leonard...I mean like every day. It sounds crazy but sometimes when I'm out mowing the front yard I still think I'm gonna look up and see her pulling up in that beat up old Volkswagen that she used to drive, have her telling me about her latest audition or how crappy it was working as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory... I would give anything to have just one more moment like that again with my little girl..."

There was a silence, by now the dawn sunshine was peeping in between the cracks in the window drapes.

"I guess we should be heading to bed son" Wyatt said

They both had a few dregs of beer left in their bottles, Wyatt proposed a toast.

"To Penny, Wife, Daughter, Mother, may you rest in peace sweetheart, wherever you are..."

Before Leonard knew it it was time to go home. Grace cried when she had to say goodbye to her grandparents at the airport but was cheered by their promise to come and visit her in Pasadena in the near future. Although he had really enjoyed the trip Leonard couldn't help but to feel a glad to be home as he parked up outside the house. He had missed his friends and made a mental note to call them later and ask them if they wanted to come over at the weekend. During the ride from the airport Grace had fallen asleep in the back of the car, so Leonard carefully lifted her up hoping that he could get her upstairs and to bed without waking her.

"Hi Leonard here let me help you" a voice in a hushed tone said from behind. It was Amber.

"Oh hi Amber good to see you" Leonard whispered

Amber took the key from Leonard unlocked the door and stood aside while he carried Grace upstairs to her bedroom. When he came down ten minutes later Amber was still stood in the hall by the suitcases.

"I just wanted to say welcome back" she began "How was your trip?"

Amber had been keeping an eye on the house and checking the mail for Leonard while he was away.

"It was great we both needed a vacation so much, I think it's done us a lot of good"

Amber nodded in agreement

"Well you certainly look less tired and stressed" she commented "Anyways I'd better be going"

Amber turned to leave

"Hey Amber do you have plans for thanksgiving? I'm having all my friends over for dinner this year" Leonard grinned broadly and the thought of himself in the kitchen and what disasters would probably ensue " I'm probably the world's worst cook but you're welcome to join us"

Amber eyes appeared to light up at the invitation

"No I don't have plans, thank you that sounds like fun. Here this is my number" she scribbled down her number on a postit pad that was on the hall table

"Great I'll text you the details" said Leonard and waved her goodbye from the door.

Once Amber had left Leonard headed into the lounge and flopped down onto the couch. He felt tired but not quite ready for bed just yet. The house always seemed particularly quiet and empty when Grace was in bed. The night time's were definately the worst, and part of the reason he had been taking more and more work home with him as it provided him with a distraction from the long evenings spent alone. Getting up he moved across the room towards the cupboard and took out the DVD that Grace had so desperately wanted to watch a few weeks ago. Bending down he inserted the disc into the player and pressed play. It was a chilly night so Leonard pulled a blanket over himself while he sat on the couch to keep warm. The DVD started at the point where it has been stopped, the wedding speeches. First Wyatt gave a heartfelt speech about Penny, saying that she had always been under the impression that he would have preferred if she had been a boy, but how that was not true. He loved having a daughter and couldn't wish for a better one than Penny. Next up Sheldon as best man and Leonard both gave their speeches. They were about to wrap up the speeches and cut the wedding cake when Penny got to her feet.

"_Ok I know it's not traditional for the bride to give a speech, but I'm gonna break with that tradition. Those that know me well will know that I've had some 'commitment issues' over the years, and it's taken a long time for Leonard and me to finally get to where we are today. I guess what I wanted to say to all of you, but especially to my gorgeous new husband is sorry it took so long. I have no idea now why I was scared of commitment. …commitment is great so long as you pick the right one and I couldn't have chosen better...I just can't wait to spend the rest of my life with the man that I love. The ONLY man I've ever loved..."_

The speech was met with a chorus of aawwws from the guests and the camera panned onto Leonard who was wiping his tears with his napkin. Leonard rose up and gave his wife a long deep kiss.

"Daddy I woke up"

Leonard turned to see Grace in the doorway in the nightdress holding soft kitty

"Here honey do you want to come and sit with Daddy for a while and watch Mommy on the TV?" he lifted the blanket so that Grace could crawl underneath the blanket beside him. Grace hesitated.

"What is it honey don't you want to watch?" asked Leonard

"I don't want you to be sad anymore Daddy. I know you miss Mommy and you wish she was still here with us"

"Come here honey" Leonard stretched his arms out and beckoned for Grace to come to him

"Listen sweetie I do miss your mommy very much, but you don't need to worry about Daddy being sad. We're going to be just fine honey"

Leonard kissed the top of Grace's head and they both turned their attention towards the TV. Leonard and Penny were now taking their first dance as man and wife.

"Mommy looks like a princess" said Grace before yawning, resting her head on Leonard's chest and shutting her eyes

"She was my princess" Leonard whispered although Grace had already fallen asleep. Closing his eyes he too fell fast asleep and into sweet dreams of Penny.


	6. Chapter 6

The following week passed by quickly. Leonard returned to work at the university and daily life quickly settled back into a routine again. A few evenings during the week Amber came over for dinner or to watch a movie, Grace seemed to take to her very well and Leonard found that he enjoyed her company. What was noticeable however was that she never seemed to want to talk about her life before moving to California.

Two weeks later and it was the morning of Thanksgiving. Leonard had set his alarm and had got up early to start preparing for lunch. By midmorning things were not going well in the Hofstadter kitchen and he was beginning to wonder if he had been a little over ambitious in wanting to cook for everyone, especially considering he had only recently mastered spaghetti bolognaise. Leonard stood back at the havoc he had managed to wreak with an expression of bemusement, it looked as though a bomb exploded gone off. Worst of all he knew if he messed up his friends would never let him hear the end of it. There was only one thing he could think of doing to try and rescue himself from the perpetual mocking that awaited him if he didn't pull this off. Taking out his cell phone from his jeans pocket he called Amber.

"Hi Amber its Leonard"

"Hi Leonard Happy Thanksgiving how are you?"

"Er actually not so good... what do you know about roasting turkey and baking apple pies?" Leonard asked as he studied the cremated remains of the apple pie that he had just removed from the oven.

Amber giggled at the other end of line

"Is this your way of asking me to come over and rescue you Leonard?" she asked

Leonard sighed with relief; recently he had come to rely on Amber more frequently.

"That would be so great Amber I promise I will make it up to you, it's just all my friends will be here in less than three hours and I am seriously stressed…."

Just then the smoke alarm in the hall started to sound

"Don't worry I'll be right over" Amber assured him and hung up the phone.

As promised within ten minutes she was knocking on the kitchen back door.

"Its open" called out Leonard

As she stepped into the smoke filled kitchen Amber couldn't help but to burst out with laughter, Leonard was wearing an apron stained with cranberry sauce and his hair was a frizzy mess.

"It's not funny I'm dying here" Leonard said but then smiled as he began to see the funny side of his predicament "I have an IQ of 173 but somehow I can't seem to pull off a Thanksgiving dinner go figure"

Amber scrapped the remains of the burnt apple pie into the trash

"Leonard why did you offer to cook for everyone if you haven't done this before?" she asked while trying to suppress another fit of the giggles

Leonard shrugged

"I guess I just wanted to find a way to say thank you to my friends for all their support, you know I don't know what I would do without them..." his replied honestly

Amber couldn't help but think how sweet a guy Leonard was; secretly she couldn't deny that she beginning to feel attracted to him. Every time she was near to him it felt like she had butterflies in her stomach.

"Ok come on then" Amber grabbed the spare apron that was hanging on the back off the kitchen door "First things first I think we both need some wine..."

She opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of white wine and poured two large glasses.

"Right now take a big sip" she ordered

Leonard obliged and took a large gulp

"Better?"

He nodded

"Ok let's do this!"

Just over an hour later the lunch was under control and the kitchen had been restored to normality, Leonard and Amber were sat at the kitchen table still wearing their aprons finishing the last dregs of the bottle of wine.

"Amber I can't thank you enough, you really have literally saved the day" Leonard said gratefully "I think your super power undoubtedly is being able to get Leonard Hofstadter out of the holes he keeps digging himself…"

"It was my pleasure, it's been fun" replied Amber honestly remembering the previous year on Thanks Giving which she had spent completely alone.

"Yeah it was although I think I'm a little tipsy, maybe drinking a whole bottle of wine on an empty stomach wasn't the best idea" Leonard said observing the now empty bottle of wine sat on the kitchen table.

"I'm really glad we met Leonard" Amber reached across the table and touched Leonard's hand and in doing so noticed the time on her wrist watch "Hey look at the time I should go home and get ready"

Leonard picked up the empty wine glasses and deposited them in the sink.

"Leonard I think you may need to take a shower you have flour in your hair" Amber commented reaching over to stroke Leonard's hair

Without thinking she leant towards him and brushed her lips against his, for a few seconds Leonard closed his eyes and reciprocated the kiss. As he opened his eyes he saw the picture of Penny that Grace had recently painted in her art class at school and then looking down at his left hand resting on Amber's shoulder he saw his wedding band. Instantly Leonard pulled away.

"I'm sorry Amber I can't do this"

As soon as he had spoken he could see the hurt and disappointment visible in Amber's face

"Shit" he cursed

"It doesn't matter" Amber dismissed forcing a smile as she pulled off her apron "It's probably the wine…"

Leonard caught Amber by the elbow and turned her around

"Listen Amber I'm really sorry, I like you, it's just there hasn't been anyone since Penny... I'm not sure that I'm ready yet…." he told her

This was not the news that Amber wanted to hear. For the few brief moments while Leonard had been kissing her back she was sure that she could detect that he had feelings for her.

"I should leave, I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving lunch say hi to everyone for me" Amber said wanting to make a hasty retreat

"Amber wait please, I'll understand if you don't want to, but the invite for lunch still stands… nobody should be alone on Thanksgiving. Can we just put it down to a moment of madness and forget it happened?"

At the door Amber paused, although it might be something which Leonard could forget, she knew it would be by no means easy for her to do the same. However she didn't want to lose their friendship.

"I'm sorry too Leonard, I don't know what came over me" she said deciding that it was best to brush off the incident and not to mention it again "I guess I'll see you all later"

Amber left and returned later after the others had arrived. Leonard had been starting to think that she wasn't going to come after all, but was really glad when she finally showed up albeit a little late. Lunch went well and many compliments were paid on how good it tasted, not wishing to take any of the credit Leonard made sure he told everyone how Amber had come over and saved the day. Despite being nervous at first as time went on Amber seemed to relax and got along really well with everyone, she even seemed to accept Sheldon's indocincratic manner. After lunch Grace asked to be excused from the table and went off to play by herself. Leonard went into the kitchen to make coffee. Sheldon began to dominate the conversation with his _'interesting factoids'_ about Thanksgiving Day, so Howard turned the attention towards Amber.

"So Amber tell us about yourself" he began "Your accent is from New York am I right? So how did you come to be in Pasadena?"

Amber shifted nervously in her chair and fiddled with the bracelet on her arm

"There's not much to tell really, I just decided to relocate to the west coast"

"Sure but there must have been a reason" Howard continued to press

Just then Leonard appeared holding a tray of coffee cups

"Howie stop interrogating Amber" Bernadette said jokingly but with a hint of warning sensing Amber's increasing discomfort at all the questions that were being fired at her.

"What have I missed?" asked Leonard as he poured the coffee

"We were just trying to get to know Amber a little better that's all" Raj said

Amber stood up

"You know I think I have a headache coming, so I'm going to leave now, but thank you so much for lunch it's been a pleasure meeting you all"

Sat round the table they all heard the front door close and through the front window saw Amber hurry across the street towards her house.

"She's nice but there's something strange about her Leonard" Amy began "I reckon she's hiding some DEEP dark secret…like she's secretly an undercover spy working for the Russians…or maybe she's works for top secret government agency that are covering up the existence of extraterrestrials..."

"So are you saying she's befriended Leonard as part of a rouse to get access to Sheldon?" Howard mocked he and the other guys often speculated that Sheldon was in fact from another planet.

"Don't be ridiculous Amy" Leonard retorted "Amber is just a private person that's all, there is nothing dark or mysterious about her at all..."

As he stirred his coffee he couldn't help but to wonder if Amy was right, not about the being an undercover spy or investigating aliens, but she was a closed book as far as her past was concerned. Maybe there was more to Amber than met the eye.


	7. Chapter 7

The weekend passed by without Leonard running into Amber again. On the Saturday immediately after Thanks Giving he had tried calling her, but had only been able to leave messages on her answerphone, although he was certain she was at home. Monday morning had arrived all too quickly and Leonard was hastily trying to get Grace ready for school, only that day she was protesting saying that she was sick. At the breakfast table she refused to even touch the waffles that Leonard had prepared for her.

"Are you sure you're sick honey?" Leonard felt his daughter's forehead with the back of his hand; she didn't appear to have a fever.

Grace nodded

"Please Daddy I don't want to go to school today" she said with pleading eyes that on this occasion Leonard found impossible to refuse

Leonard had an important meeting that day with some potential financial donors for the experimental physics department; it was a meeting that he could by no means afford to miss. He himself was dressed in the brown corduroy suit which Penny had disliked intensely; despite various attempts by Penny to send it to the local thrift store somehow it had always managed to escape being discarded by being hidden at the back of the closet where Leonard was sure Penny wouldn't find it. Looking across the road he eyed Amber's house and recalled her saying that Mondays were her day off. He hated to ask her to sit for Grace on her day off, particularly after the awkwardness of their kiss on Thanksgiving, but right now he didn't see that he had much choice. Taking Grace by the hand he crossed the street and knocked on Amber's front door, it took several knocks before Amber appeared still in her slippers and bathrobe.

"Hi Amber I'm _really_ sorry to ask you on your day off, but would you mind looking after Grace for a few hours? I wouldn't normally ask but I absolutely _have_ to be in work today"

Amber looked down at Grace who appeared to be a little off colour that day and smiled sweetly, over the last few weeks she had become very fond of her.

"Sure no problem I'd love to" she agreed

"Great thank you so much Amber, I really owe you one" said Leonard

Leonard quickly kissed his daughter and instructed her to be a good girl for Amber before racing back across the street to his car. Getting he saw the car clock and realised that he was running late. As he drove to work he made a mental note to buy some flowers for Amber on the way home by way of a thank you, she had saved the day yet again. The meeting finished just before lunchtime and Leonard was on his way to the cafeteria for lunch and to call Amber to check in on Grace when he noticed he had a voicemail message on his cell phone from an unknown caller. Putting the phone to his ear he retrieved the message.

"_Dr Hofstadter this is Detective Benson from the Pasadena Police Department. I wanted to inform you that we've arrested two men yesterday in connection with your wife's murder. They've made a full confession. Looks like they'll be going down for a long time. I just wanted to let you know before the story breaks on the news…Anyway call me if you have any questions…."_

Leonard hung up the phone his head spinning. For two years he had tried to imagine what it would feel like to know that Penny's killers had been caught and would finally be facing justice, but now that it had actually happened he felt numb. It didn't matter if they went to jail for the rest of their lives, nothing was going to bring Penny back. His thoughts were interrupted by his phoning ringing again, this time it was Amber.

"Leonard"

"Hi Amber I was just about to call you, how's Grace doing?"

"Leonard something's happened" Amber breathed

Leonard felt his throat tighten

"What is it Amber? Tell me"

"I was in the kitchen and Grace was in the lounge watching some cartoons on TV, she must have switched channels because when I came back in the room the news was on… It was about Penny being shot apparently the police have made an arrest…."

"Oh God" Leonard gasped "Do you think she understood?"

"Yes I think so Leonard, they flashed a photo of Penny on the screen….she's really upset I can't get her to calm down, now she's locked herself in the bathroom upstairs and won't come out"

"Ok I'm leaving work right now I will be with you in 20 minutes" Leonard told her trying desperately to contain his panic

In the background on Amber's end of the line he heard a knocking sound.

"I have to go there's somebody at the door. Leonard please hurry she really needs her Daddy right now"

Amber hung up phone, the knocking on the door had turned into more of a pounding than knocking, whoever it was she planned to get rid of them as soon as possible and return upstairs to comfort Grace and to try and coax her out of the bathroom.

"Ok ok I'm coming" Amber called out as she unlocked the door.

Normally she was careful to only open the door with the security chain on, but with all that was happening she was distracted and forgot. The sight of him at her door caused Amber to gasp with fright and to draw in her breath; her heart began to thump in her chest.

"Hello Clare or maybe I should call you Amber, that is what you're calling yourself these days isn't it?"

Amber stood in shocked silence rendered speechless by the man of whom she was completely petrified.

"Well haven't you got anything to say to your husband Clare? Surely you must remember me huh? You know the husband that you left for dead …"


	8. Chapter 8

The man stood before her now was Luke her husband. The last time she had seen him was over two years ago now, she had been shaking uncontrollably while staring down at him as he lay in a pool of his own blood on the kitchen floor. Thinking of that night now she felt sick to the stomach. For the past two years Amber had done everything she could to ensure that he never found her, she had changed her name and racked with fear that he would eventually track her down, had never spent more than a few months in any one place. That night, like so many countless others, he had been drunk and had beaten her savagely. On that occasion however the beating more brutal than ever and she remembered thinking that this time he wasn't going to stop until he had killed her. Although beaten black and blue and in a world of pain, Amber had somehow found the strength to pick up a frying pan and hit him over the head with all the force that her battered body could muster. Seeing an opportunity to finally escape she had jumped in her car with only her purse and a sum of $200 and had left him and the house that had become her prison far behind.

The shock of seeing him now after all this time had rendered her both speechless and motionless. Suddenly her fight or flight instinct kicked in and Amber attempted to slam the door closed, Luke reacted quickly and stuck his foot in the door to jam it open.

"Not so fast Clare aren't you gonna invite me into your new home?" Luke pushed his face close to Amber, his face was dirty and unshaven and his breath reeked of alcohol.

"Luke get the hell away from me!" Amber screamed fearing the beating or worse that awaited her if he managed to get inside, then to her horror she remembered that Grace was still upstairs in the bathroom.

"Please Luke just leave me alone its over between us, I have a new life now" she begged him in vain

"Oh I think we both know that isn't going to happen Clare" he stated with a sadistic smile

From his inside jacket pocket Luke produced a gun and pointed it at Amber

"Oh my God what are you going?" whispered Amber under her breath, her eyes wide with fear.

Luke pushed his way into the hall knocking Amber to the floor.

"How dare you think you could leave me like that? I warned you Clare that you would _NEVER_ be able to leave me, I _OWN_ you remember?"

Amber saw Luke's eyes flashing with anger and thought to herself that this was it, clearly he had come to find her in order to finish off what he he'd failed to do two years ago. Until they heard her timid little voice neither Amber nor Luke noticed that Grace had appeared at the top of the stairs and was peering down at the struggle unfolding in the hall.

"Amber what's happening?" she asked

Amber swung around and tried her best to force a smile

"Its ok Grace sweetie, just stay upstairs I have a friend over for lunch that's all"

Amber was desperately trying to hide from Grace the fact that she was totally petrified of the man stood in her hall.

"I want my Daddy" pleaded Grace

"Grace a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl" Luke began "Say why don't you come down here and we can all have lunch together?"

"No Grace that's ok sweetie you stay up there and play in my bedroom" Amber was quick to interject "I will bring your lunch up to you…"

Luke turned to Amber and gave her a cold icy stare that told her that she needed to abide by his rules. Amber looked up the stairs and with a plastered on smile beckoned to Grace.

"Ok come down honey and I'll fix us all some lunch"

As soon as Grace reached the bottom stair Amber scooped her up into her arms and headed for the kitchen followed closely by Luke.

"I don't want anything to eat Amber, I just want my Daddy" Amber cried her tears beginning to flow

Amber bent down and embraced the tearful little girl; from over Amber's shoulder Grace could see Luke's gun tucked into the waist of his pants

"Why does your friend have a gun?" Grace asked

"Oh it's just a toy gun right Luke? It's just a game honey that's all..." Amber responded quickly "Come on let's fix lunch together it will be fun"

Amber retrieved an apron from the hook on the kitchen door and put it on over her head

"I need a drink Clare" Luke spoke gruffly as he sat down and placed his gun on the kitchen table within easy reach

"Sure what do you want Luke? I have Coffee, ice tea?"

Luke grunted

"No I want a _proper_ drink"

Amber's hands were shaking as she retrieved a glass from the cupboard and filled it with whiskey from a bottle she had stashed under the kitchen sink. Luke downed the whiskey in one and demanded another which he downed again before wiping his face with the back of his hand. Amber set about preparing lunch while Luke sat at the table holding his whiskey glass with one hand and his gun in the other. Just then there was a knock at the door causing Amber to drop the dish she was holding shattering it into a thousand pieces on the floor.

"Daddy!" cried Grace

Realising that somebody had come to the house Luke appeared to immediately panic

"Don't you make a sound" he ordered pointing angrily at Grace

Grace scuttled into the corner of the kitchen and sat down hugging her knees.

"Luke its Grace's father he's come to….."

"I said shut up!" Luke pointed the gun directly at Amber; Amber backed away and stood in front of Grace so as to protect her.

The knocking at the door had stopped Amber could hear her heart pounding in her chest, she had never been so terrified in her entire life, but her fear was for Grace and not herself. After knocking several times Leonard had decided to try the back door knowing that Amber often left it unlocked during the day when she was home. As he approached the door he could see Amber through the kitchen window. She looked distraught. He paused for a second sensing that there was something terribly wrong, just then Amber turned her head and saw him standing in her back yard.

"Leonard help!" she screamed

The sound of a gunshot ripped through the air causing Leonard to jump and fall to the ground

"Grace!" he cried out

Running to the back door he was just in time to see Amber and Grace hurrying out into the hall followed by a man holding a a gun. He tried to enter via the back door only to discover it locked.

"Oh God please no"

Taking out his cell phone with shaking hands he dialled 911 and asked for the police

"Please help me! a man with a gun has my daughter in my neighbour's house please please hurry!" he begged

Leonard gave the address and then ran around to the front of the house. By the time he got there the drapes had been drawn so he was unable to see in. There were already sirens sounding in the distance, a minute later two police cars screeched to a halt outside the house.

"Please my daughter is in there" cried Leonard his arms flailing with desperation

"Please try to calm down Sir" the police officer responded

Two agonising hours passed by, inside the house Amber and Grace were huddled together on the couch. Grace had begun to cry uncontrollably and Amber stroked her hair gently in an attempt to calm her while Luke was pacing up and down the lounge like a caged lion. The police had several times attempted to make contact with Luke via the home phone, but Luke had refused point blank to speak with them.

"What do you want from me Luke?" demanded Amber

"I don't know Clare I haven't decided what I'm going to do with you yet…." he answered, he was getting great pleasure from tormenting her.

Amber began to notice that Grace's breathing had begun to become laboured and then remembered Leonard telling her that Grace was asthmatic, it seemed as though she was having an attack.

"Sweetie where's your inhaler?" asked Amber calmly

Grace wasn't able to speak but pointed at her school satchel lying on the coffee table. Quickly Amber emptied it out, pencils and erasers spilled out onto the floor but there was no inhaler.

"It isn't here" Amber said anxiously

Grace's breathing became worse, she had now turned pale and tiny beads of sweat had appeared on her forehead.

"Its ok sweetie" Amber soothed "We're going to get you home to your Daddy"

Turning towards Luke she demanded that he step out into the hall so that she could speak without Grace hearing.

"Luke please you have to let Grace go, she needs her asthma inhaler right now. Please I'm begging you do whatever you want with me, kill me if you want to but don't involve Grace she has done nothing wrong …." Amber pleaded in desperation as she thought of Leonard's totally devastation if he were to lose his daughter "She's all that her Father has left…. Do you really want a little girl's death on your conscience Luke? Well do you?"

Luke pointed at Amber's phone on the table in the hall

"Tell the police I'm going to let her go, but not to come near the house until I'm back inside or I swear to God someone will get hurt"

Amber nodded and with shaking hands called back the last received number. The lieutenant from the Pasadena police department who had tried to make the initial contact answered immediately.

"Amber what's happening?"

"Grace is having a severe asthma attack and I don't have her inhaler. She can hardly breathe. Luke has agreed to let her go, but you all need to stay back from the house or…."

The police officer was quick to interrupt

"Ok Amber tell Luke that we agree to his terms on the condition that Grace is returned safely to us. What about you Amber are you hurt?"

Amber shook her head

"No I'm ok" she answered

Luke reached out and grabbed the phone from Amber and hung it up.

"Come on lets go" he ordered

By now Grace was semi-conscious as she lay on the couch, Luke bent down and picked her up. Taking out his gun and pointing it at Amber he ordered her to walk directly in front of him. Outside Leonard held his breath as the front door to the house opened. A tall, dark unshaven man appeared carrying his daughter. Instantly panic struck at his heart, even from across the street and behind the police cordon he could see that Grace's skin had gone a greyish colour and that she was barely conscious.

"Oh my God Grace" he breathed

Instinctively Leonard began to push forward only to be held back by a police office. Earlier when he had attempted to get passed the police cordon to the house he had been threatened with being arrested. In the end he had been escorted back to his house where he had been forced into waiting anxiously for news with his friends that had come over to support him.

"Dr. Hofstadter please you have to stay back" a police officer ordered holding Leonard firmly by the shoulder

All Leonard could do was watch helplessly as Luke lay Grace down on the porch, grabbed Amber and with the gun pressed into her back forced her back inside the house. Once the door was closed a police officer raced up the front yard path and onto the porch to rescue Grace.

"I need a medic" he called across the radio as he proceeded to run back carrying Grace to be greeted by two paramedics that were standing by.

Leonard had to barge his way through crowds of reporters and TV crews to get to the waiting ambulance into which Grace had been lifted. In the commotion he thought he heard Bernadette shout his name, but he had no intention of turning around or stopping. By the time he reached the ambulance and climbed inside Grace was laying on a gurney and was being hooked up to a monitor and given oxygen.

"We need to go right now" one of the paramedics said with a concerned look as he studied the monitor and said something about her oxygen saturation levels to his partner.

Leonard took a seat opposite Grace. Terrified he reached forward to take her by the hand

"Its ok honey you're safe Daddy's here now"


	9. Chapter 9

The ambulance pulled away at speed with the sirens wailing. Leonard held Grace's tiny hand and willed her to keep breathing.

"Breathe for Daddy sweetheart" he whispered into her ear

Leonard sunk back into his seat in the back of the ambulance with a feeling of immense guilt; he had been in such a hurry to get to work that morning he had completely forgotten to check that Grace had packed her inhaler in her school satchel. By the time they arrived at the emergency room Grace didn't appear to be showing any signs of improvement and was transferred immediately into a trauma room. Despite the demands of the ER staff for Leonard to wait outside in the hall whilst they tended to Grace, Leonard flatly refused. He had already been forced away from his daughter once already that day, there was no way going to be separate from her again. Reluctantly the physician in charge permitted him to stay provided that he promised to keep out of the way of the staff. As he watched his daughter fighting for her life from the corner of the room tears of despair cascaded down his face.

"Please please don't let my baby die" he said out loud to a room of people that were unable to hear him above the din of the sounds coming from the medical equipment and their own verbal exchanges as they battled to save Grace's life.

Looking away momentarily he noticed that Bernadette and Howard were waiting outside. The sight of needles and tubes being inserted into his daughter's fragile body was making him feel nauseated. Feeling as though he might be sick at any moment, Leonard stepped outside into the hall and began to take deep breaths.

"Leonard what's going on?" asked Howard as he approached his friend

"I don't know Howard….nothing seems to be working…." he replied "My God this is my fault... I was in such a rush to get to work today I forgot to pack her asthma inhaler…."

Before Leonard could finish Bernadette pulled him into an embrace

"Leonard this is not your fault" she insisted shaking him gently by the shoulders in an attempt to convince him "You can't blame yourself; you have to be strong for Grace do you hear me?"

Leonard had always admired Bernadette's strength and the way she seemed able to deal with emotional crises in a way in which his other friends were not. When Penny had died he and pretty much everyone else around him had fallen apart, but despite her own grief Bernadette had remained strong for all of them and had largely taken over the funeral arrangements.

"Dr Hofstadter"

Leonard removed himself from Bernadette's embrace to face the physician that had just emerged from the trauma room where Grace was being treated. He introduced himself as one of the ER's attending pediatric physicians.

"Grace isn't responding to treatment so far, her oxygen saturation levels are still very low, so we're intubating her so we can put her on a ventilator and then transfer her to the pediatric ICU" he told Leonard calmly

Leonard looked back through the window and could see another physician guiding a tube into Grace's throat.

"But she will be ok won't she?" Leonard asked desperately seeking confirmation that Grace was going to pull through "I mean once she's on the ventilator her condition will stabilise and she'll be ok right?...right?...please doctor just tell me my little girl is gonna be alright..."

"Dr. Hofstadter right now I'm afraid Grace is a very sick little girl, but please be assured that she is getting the best possible care. Is Grace's Mom here?"

At the mention of Penny Leonard could felt his heart lurch. He knew that had she been alive she would have run across broken glass barefoot and through fire to be with Grace at this desperate time of need.

"Grace's Mom died two years ago, I'm here with my friends" Leonard signalled at Howard and Bernadette that were standing a short distance behind

"I'm sorry to hear that Dr. Hofstadter" the doctor said

The doors to the room opened and the gurney on which Grace was lying was wheeled out into the hall and towards the elevator. With a heart full of sorrow and love for his daughter Leonard followed on behind not wanting to let her out of his sight for even one second.

"Oh Howie"

Bernadette through her arms around her husband and he responded by kissing the top of her head.

"I think I could use a coffee" Howard said

Bernadette nodded and told Howard that she was going to use the bathroom. By the time Howard returned with two cups of coffee Bernadette was still absent. Howard waited patiently, but after some time started to become concerned when she failed to return. As strong as he knew she was, she was clearly shaken by the day's events and he was worried for her. Slowly he pushed open the door to the ladies restroom.

"Bernie are you in there?" he called cautiously

From inside one of the stalls he could hear the sound of somebody crying softly

"Bernie honey is that you? Are you ok?"

The lock on the door stall clicked open and Bernadette appeared her eyes red and puffy from crying, her cheeks streaked with mascara.

"I'm sorry Howie it just got to me; this is so unfair after everything Leonard has been through these last two years…why did this have to happen?" she wept

It was a rhetorical question that nobody for which nobody could offer an answer. Taking out a tissue Bernadette dabbed her eyes and then proceeded to run the cold faucet to splash cold water on her face.

"I feel so guilty that all this bad stuff is happening to him" Bernadette continued

"I don't understand honey why on earth do you feel guilty?" Howard asked gently

Bernadette bit down on her lip

"Because until what happened to Grace today, with the exception of our wedding day today was the happiest day of my life" she whispered

Howard's looked bemused.

"Howie I'm five weeks pregnant... I'm having a baby. I just had it confirmed at the doctors today when you called to tell me about Grace…."

It took a few seconds for Howard to absorb the news

"Oh my God Bernie that's terrific"

And for a split second in his happiness Howard forgot where he was and what had taken place that day. He was completely overjoyed; they had all but given up all hope of ever having a child of their own.

"I wasn't going to tell you until we knew Grace was ok because it seemed wrong to be happy right now, but I so wanted you to know….you're gonna be a dad Howie.."

Stood there in the restroom they embraced for the longest time until a woman came in and glared at Howard. Hand in hand left and headed for the cafeteria to pick up fresh coffee for them and for Leonard. As they stood patiently in the queue Howard's attention was drawn to the TV screen that was mounted on the wall which was showing a 24-hour news channel. The news anchor woman cut live to the reporter outside Amber's house. The words _'breaking news'_ and _'man shot dead by police and woman in critical condition after shooting at a house in Pasadena' _appeared across the screen_, _Bernadette turned to stare at Howard.

"Do you think we should go tell Leonard?" she asked

They both agreed that they would break the news to Leonard, but first they wanted to give him some time alone with Grace.

Meanwhile three floors up Leonard was stood at his daughter's bedside in the PICU gazing down at her with an anguished expression. She looked so small and helpless.

"Why don't you take a seat Dr. Hofstadter?" a nurse who was ironically wearing scrubs with pictures of Sleeping Beauty said "I know it's upsetting, but Grace is in the best place right now"

"Do you have children?" Leonard asked without averting his eyes from Grace for even a second

"Yes two boys. Ten and thirteen a real handful I can tell you"

"So you know what it's like? The love you feel for your child? How you would do anything for them?"

The nurse nodded slowly in reply

"Yes I do, I got divorced last year so I also know how difficult it is being a single parent trying to raise a child..."

Leonard brushed away some lose strands of Grace's hair from her face, as he looked around the PICU he could see the anxious faces of other parents as they kept vigil at their child's bedside.

"Grace is my world; literally everything I do is for my daughter…. My job, the house, none of that really matters a dam to me...without Grace I have absolutely nothing"

"I'm truly sorry about wife Dr. Hofstadter" the nurse touched Leonard's shoulder

During her coffee break earlier she had seen the news report concerning the arrests of the two men that had shot Penny, described then as a Pasadena waitress and wife of a physicist based at Caltech University. When Grace had been transferred from the ER she had recognised the name and made the connection that Leonard was Penny's husband.

"Can I get you anything? Some coffee maybe?"

Leonard shook his head and the nurse left. Seeing his daughter looking so fragile the feeling of guilt began to consume him. Despite what Bernadette he still blamed himself for forgetting to ensure that Grace had her inhaler. A moment later he remembered the song that Penny used to sing to Grace when she was sick and began to quietly sing it to her.

"_Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty_

_Little ball of fur_

_Happy Kitty Sleepy Kitty_

_Purr Purr Purr"_

"I'm sorry Daddy isn't as good at singing Soft Kitty as Mommy was sweetheart" he whispered as he finished "Oh Grace Honey I'm so sorry, I know I've let you down...Please don't leave me…."

Leonard buried his head on the bed and began to sob

"She's going to be just fine Leonard"

There was no mistaking the sound of the sweet voice he had known so well that was now speaking to him from the other side of the bed. Leonard looked up and couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was Penny smiling lovingly down at her daughter….


	10. Chapter 10

"She's so beautiful Leonard"

Penny looked up from Grace and smiled sweetly at Leonard

"Still got the corduroy suit huh? I know you hid it in the back of the closet and thought I wouldn't see it!"

"Penny" Leonard whispered in disbelief "How can you be here?"

Penny laughed

"You never did want to believe in anything that couldn't be scientifically proven did you?" she said playfully and giggled to herself "Guess you have to eat your words now Hofstadter!"

Leonard looked around his surroundings wondering whether he had fallen asleep or that he was hallucinating, but it felt so real.

"I came because you needed me" Penny answered "And to tell you that you don't need to blame yourself anymore... What happened to me wasn't your fault and what happened today isn't your fault either. You need to quit feeling guilty sweetie…"

"I'm a terrible Father Penny" Leonard blurted out

"No you're not, I think you're a terrific father, I'm so proud of you Leonard and Grace well she adores you, how come you're the only one who doesn't see it?"

Penny walked around the side of the bed to face Leonard directly

"It's ok to move on Leonard, I may be gone and I know that you miss me, I miss you both too, but your life _HAS_ to go on…. You have so much love in you to give, you shouldn't be on your own forever. You've grieved for me for two years... I think its time for you to let me go now... That night in the gas station you wasn't ready to say goodbye and neither was I, but I think the time has come now… we need to say goodbye"

At that Leonard shook his head defiantly

"No I'm not ready for that" he insisted "I still love you Penny with all my heart…I always will"

A single tear rolled down his cheek and dropped onto the bed sheets.

"I love you too so very much, but that doesn't mean you can't find love with someone else, you just have to give yourself the chance…."

Penny leant in towards Leonard to say her final words and to kiss him

"Just hang in there Hofstadter, you're going to be ok, you both are I promise you" she said

Leonard closed his eyes, he could smell the scent of her favourite perfume. A second later he opened his eyes only to find her gone.

"Dr Hofstadter are you ok?"

The nurse responsible for Grace's care had returned to check on her patient. Leonard got to his feet, walked to the door and peered out into the hall which apart from a cleaner mopping the floor was completely deserted.

"She's waking up Dr Hofstadter" the nurse called out "Grace it's alright sweetheart"

In a second Leonard had returned to the bedside and was looking down at his daughter who had now opened her eyes.

"Its ok sweetie Daddy's here you're safe honey" he said reassuringly

He stroked his daughter's forehead and wanted to cry again with the overwhelming sense of relief that he was now feeling. A doctor entered the room and reported that Grace's oxygen saturation levels were returning to normal and that she was out of immediate danger. Leonard was asked to wait outside while he examined Grace. This time when he stepped out into the hall Howard and Bernadette were sat outside, he saw that Bernadette had her eyes closed in prayer and was holding her cross necklace. Howard spotted Leonard and gently nudged her.

"Leonard how is she?" Howard asked

"She's awake now, it looks like she's going to be ok"

"Thank God" Bernadette said looking up at the ceiling thankful that her prayers had been answered.

Leonard collapsed down onto a seat, he looked truly exhausted. Suddenly it dawned on him that he hadn't enquired after Amber since arriving at the hospital. For all he knew she was still being held captive by her deranged husband.

"Oh my God Amber, do you guys know anything?" he asked

Bernadette and Howard exchanged a look

"It's over Leonard, Amber's husband is dead the police shot him" Howard answered

"And Amber is she ok?"

Howard sighed he hated being the barer of bad news, especially after everything Leonard had been through already.

"She's been shot Leonard, all we know is she's been taken into surgery and her condition is serious"

Leonard got up

"I'll be back in a minute" he told them

Leonard returned five minutes later after attempting to find out more information about Amber, but all her doctors could tell him was that she was still in surgery and that it would be hours before there would be any further news. By now Grace had fallen back to sleep and was resting peacefully. The doctor confirmed that if she remained stable she would be moved from the PICU the following day. The nurse offered to show Leonard to a room with a bed for parents that wished to stay overnight, at first Leonard refused saying that he would stay at Grace's bedside in case she awoke during the night.

"Leonard you look totally exhausted" Bernadette commented noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes "You really try to get some proper rest"

"I don't want Grace to be alone" Leonard insisted

"We'll stay with her then" Howard offered "You heard the doctor Grace is stable now. You won't be any good for Grace if you're exhausted"

Howard and Bernadette were right and Leonard had to admit he was so tired now that he could barely see straight. Somewhat reluctantly he agreed and after kissing Grace Goodnight he left with the nurse. Howard and Bernadette sat in silence for a long time at Grace's bedside; the only sound was the continuous and steady beeping of the heart monitor.

"It real scary to think that we might be sitting here one day with one of our own kids" Said Bernadette and rubbed her stomach, even though she was only a few weeks pregnant she felt different and could already sense the tiny life that was now growing inside her.

"Yeah I know I was just thinking the same thing" Howard replied

"Oh I nearly forgot" Bernadette reached down to the floor for her purse and took out 'soft kitty' which she had picked up from Leonard's house earlier; gently she tucked it under Grace's arm.

"You know I would never say it to Leonard, but I really don't know how he's coped after what happened to Penny" Howard began "I know I couldn't if I lost you"

Bernadette squeezed Howard's hand and then softly kissed it.

"Howard I'm not going anywhere I promise you"

"Penny probably thought the same about her and Leonard; you know thought that they had all the time in the world ….and look what happened. Do you remember this?"

Howard took out his cell phone and scrolled through his pictures. It was an adorable photo of Penny and Grace cuddling with Micky Mouse at Disneyland Bernadette noticed the tears in Howard's eyes.

"Leonard texted me this the day Penny died. A few hours after this picture was taken and she…." Howard couldn't bare to think about the brutal way in which Penny's life had been so needlessly taken.

"I mean it Bernie I want us to make the most of every moment we have together. I know we can't say that we'll never fight, but every time we come close to yelling at each other about whose turn it is to do the laundry or something equally stupid we should remember this moment. We should remember how precious life is and how dammed lucky we are to have each other"

Bernadette was truly moved by her husbands' impassioned speech

"Oh Howie I promise" she said

Bernadette and Howard slept the night in chairs at Grace's bedside and didn't wake up until Leonard returned shortly after 7am. He still looked tired but not as dead on his feet as he had been the night before, he had changed into the clothes that Bernadette had picked up for him. There had been some news on Amber she was out of surgery and was in a serious but stable condition. Leonard planned to try and get to see her later, but for now he needed to be with his daughter. As soon as he saw Grace he smiled.

"She slept the whole night through" Bernadette told him

Grace began to stir gently Leonard took her hand in his and stroked it. After she had awoken the night before she had had her breathing tube removed so was now able to speak.

"Hey you" he whispered

"Daddy"

"That's right sweetie and Howard and Bernadette are here too. We're so happy you're awake honey"

Grace looked at the smiling faces around her bed

"I want to go home" she said

"You will go home real soon sweetie, but only when the doctors say you're all well again"

Leonard looked over at Bernadette and Howard and without him needing to say anything they realised that he wanted some time alone with Grace and discretely left.

"Grace do you want to talk about what happened yesterday at the house?"

Grace shook her head

"You don't have to be scared honey the bad man is gone now" Leonard assured her

"What about Amber?" asked Grace

Leonard wanted to try and be as honest with his daughter as possible without causing her to be any more scared then she clearly was already.

"Amber is feeling sick like you at the moment, but she's going to be ok honey"

Grace's forehead began to wrinkle which usually indicated that she was thinking deeply about something.

"Was the bad man the one who shot Mommy?"

"No he wasn't sweetie, but the police have the men who did now so they can't hurt anyone ever again. Do you understand honey? There's no need for you to be afraid ok?"

"Yes Daddy"

Grace gave a wide yawn and closed her eyes

"You know how much Daddy loves you Grace and Mommy too, she might not be here anymore, but I know she loves you very very much sweetheart…"

Leonard bent over to kiss his daughter on the forehead and as he pulled away he caught a glimpse of a figure standing in the door. It was Penny. Only this time she didn't speak, but instead she blew a kiss in Leonard and Grace's direction before smiling and waving goodbye. Leonard simply smiled and nodded as though telling her that he was alright now and that she could depart to wherever it was that she now belonged.

"Goodbye Mommy" Grace said her eyes still shut

Leonard looked down at his daughter with amazement, had she sensed Penny's presence? When he looked back again at the doorway Penny was gone. Somehow he knew it would be the last time and that she was now gone for good. And although he still ached inside, the pain was no longer as intense and he knew with certainty that Penny's memory would soon be one only of comfort rather than a source of sadness and pain.

As he watched Grace sleeping Leonard wondered if what he was experiencing now was the feeling of finally being able to let go of the past and to move on. This was it. Time to say goodbye.


	11. Chapter 11

While Grace was sleeping Leonard took the opportunity to head downstairs to visit Amber. He entered her room to find a woman with similar features and the same colour hair as Amber stood at the bedside holding a coffee in a Styrofoam cup.

"I guess you must be Leonard" she said looking Leonard up and down approvingly

"Yes I am"

"I'm Sophie, Clare's…. I mean Amber's sister, I just flew in from New York" she told him

Leonard turned to Amber lying in the bed. Her face was pale and she appeared to be experiencing a little discomfort each time she moved.

"Amber it's so good to see that you're alright" he said sincerely knowing that without doubt she had saved Grace's life.

"Grace how is she?" Amber asked

At the mention of his daughters name Leonard beamed happily

"She's doing great, She's being transferred from the PICU today; her doctor thinks she'll be home in a few days' time"

Amber smiled at the good news

"That's great Leonard I'm so relieved, please give her a big kiss from me"

Looking into her empty coffee cup and sensing that a moment alone for Leonard and Amber was called for Sophie excused herself and left the room.

"Amber I can't thank you enough you saved Grace's life, I owe you so much…." Leonard's voice trailed off, it was too painful to even contemplate now what might have happened if Amber hadn't intervened and got Grace out of the house when she did.

"It's what anyone would have done; I'm just sorry I couldn't tell you the truth about my past before Leonard, that night when you told me about how Penny died I so wanted to tell you about Luke and me running away…"

Leonard took Amber's hand in his

"It doesn't matter Amber I understand" he assured her "I know the truth now and more importantly you're safe"

"You're a good friend Leonard" Amber said and reached out to stroke Leonard's face.

The sensation of Amber touching Leonard's stubbly cheek sent a tingling sensation up his spine and for a brief moment he closed his eyes. Amber cleared her throat; there was something she needed to share with Leonard.

"Leonard I've decided to go back to live with my sister in New York, I think I need to make a fresh start..."

As Leonard absorbed Amber's news he felt a stab of pain in his chest

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he questioned

"Yes… there's really no reason for me to stay in Pasadena now except for you and Grace …and I have a feeling that you guys are gonna be just fine from now on.."

"Yeah I think you're right" Leonard agreed

For the first time in two years he had a sense of optimism about the future.

"Well I should let you get some rest, I'll come by later if you like" he said as he got to his feet

Amber nodded saying that she would like that and when Leonard reached into kiss the top of her head he felt the same stab of pain once more. At the door he hesitated.

"Please stay Amber" he breathed the words seemingly coming straight from his heart "I can't promise you anything right now, but all I know is I really don't want you to go…"

Just then Amber's sister returned holding a fresh cup of coffee, no longer alone and therefore unable to continue the conversation Leonard began to head out with his head held down. To himself he was thinking that he couldn't blame Amber for wanting to move back to New York, particularly as he wasn't entirely sure of his feelings at this time.

"Leonard wait!" Amber called after him

"That thing you asked me to do...the answers _yes_"

Sophie looked at her sister with a confused expression, she had no idea what question the 'yes' was in reply to. Leonard's face broke into a broad smile.

"Ok... well that's really great,... I guess I'll see you later then"

Amber continued to smile to herself after Leonard had left the room. Sophie turned towards her sister with her hands on her hips and a mildly annoyed expression.

"I have one question for you Sis" she chastised

"Yeah?"

"How come you never mentioned he was _sooo_ cute?"

**Six months later…..**

"Well it sure sounds like Grace is having fun!" remarked Amber as she and Leonard got out of the car outside Leonard's house.

It was mid-afternoon on Saturday and they had been out for lunch together leaving Grace in the care of Bernadette and Amy. Hand in hand Leonard and Amber walked towards the house. Six months on Amber was still walking with the aid of a stick, the bullet had caused some nerve damage that had affected her mobility, but after months of physical therapy she was making progress and her therapist reckoned she would be able to walk unaided in a month or two. Since then Amber had also taken the decision to apply for college to do a biology degree beginning in the fall and had just that week received her acceptance letter. Lunch out had been Leonard's idea of celebrating her achievement. In the weeks after she left hospital, Leonard had patiently waited until Amber was ready to talk about her marriage to Luke. When she finally did she told him how she had met Luke while they were both at college and that they had married in her second year. Soon after Luke had become jealous and possessive and in the end had forced her to drop out of her studies to be a stay at home wife. It had also been shortly after they were married that the beatings had begun, some so severe that had been bed ridden for several days. Luke always had a way of manipulating and twisting things so that in the end Amber would believe that it was her fault and that she somehow deserved it. In the end she had been completely devoid of self-esteem and Luke had completely ruled every aspect of her life. She no longer had any friends, no job and no real money of her own. And then one night for reasons Amber couldn't explain she had finally had the courage and opportunity to fight back.

"I'm certain if I hadn't left when I did I wouldn't be alive now" Amber had told Leonard

Leonard found it heart breaking to listen to stories of Amber's torturous marriage, but was so utterly proud of her that she was now trying to put it all behind her.

As they approached the front door through the window they could see Grace standing on the couch singing into a hairbrush that she was using as pretend microphone and could hear the song '_Girls just wanna have fun'_ by Cyndi Lauper playing loudly on the stereo. It had been Penny's favourite song which she had loved to listen to whilst getting ready for a girls night out. Seven months ago Leonard would have wanted to switch it off immediately, but now hearing it no longer filled him with sadness. Stepping into the lounge they caught sight of Bernadette and Amy singing along as well using wooden spoons as microphones.

"Oh you're back I didn't hear you come in" Bernadette said and her face began to flush a little at being discovered dancing around the lounge. She was now seven months pregnant and wore a maternity dress that showed off her large baby bump.

"Don't mind us" said Leonard "You guys seem to having a ball, I'd hate to ruin your party!"

"Look Daddy, Amy and Bernadette are my backing singers!" exclaimed Grace as she jumped down from the couch and hugged Leonard

Leonard brushed his daughter's hair with his hand. Looking at her now smiling and giggling it was so hard to believe that only a few months ago he had come so close to losing her.

"I think I know a little girl who has science project to finish" Leonard remarked

Grace groaned. Getting her to do her homework wasn't usually a problem at the last parent teacher evening Grace's teacher had said that Grace was continuing to excel in all her subjects, but especially science.

"If you go finish your project now I will let you have some time playing video games deal?" Leonard said using his powers of persuasion to full effect.

"Ok Daddy" Grace answered

Amy offered to help Grace with her project and so the two of them disappeared upstairs to Grace's bedroom. Leonard offered to make coffee, but Amber declined saying she wanted to home for a while to take a nap.

"Are you ok honey?" Leonard said with a concerned look on his face

"I'm fine just a little tired. I'll see you later darling"

Amber kissed Leonard on the cheek and said goodbye to Bernadette.

In the kitchen Bernadette sat down at the table and watched as Leonard put the kettle on to make coffee.

"How was your lunch date?" She asked

"It was great. Things are going really well Bernadette" Leonard answered smiling happily

Leonard poured the coffee and Bernadette noticed that he was yet to stop smiling which in turn made her smile. It was wonderful to see him so happy after such a long time of being desperately sad and alone.

"Bernadette I'm going to ask Amber to marry me" Leonard said as passed Bernadette her coffee almost causing Bernadette to drop the cup.

Bernadette stared at her friend in stunned silence, Leonard's forehead wrinkled into a worried frown.

"What is it? Do you think it's too soon? Because I wondered the same thing, but I know I love her Bernadette…"

From one of the kitchen drawers Leonard produced a small jewellery box containing a diamond solitaire engagement ring; he was intending to surprise Amber with a short break away the following weekend and had already made reservations at the Langham Huntington Hotel.

"I don't want to rush her into getting married, I'd be more than happy with a long engagement" Leonard said as he traced the outline of the diamond with his finger "I just want her to know how serious I am about her and how much I want to be with her…."

"Well I know one thing..." Bernadette began

"Yes?" Leonard said with raised eyebrows unable to anticipate what Bernadette was about to say

"You shouldn't let Amber go in the pool at the hotel wearing that ring, with a diamond that size she'll sink straight to the bottom!"

Leonard grinned at Bernadette's joke

"Oh Leonard I'm so happy for you!" Bernadette exclaimed

Pregnancy was making Bernadette so emotional she seemed to cry at almost anything and everything. They attempted to hug but Bernadette's baby bump kept getting in the way which made them both burst into laughter.

"Actually I have some news too. Howard and I went for a scan last week and we found out the sex of the baby, I'm having a girl!" Bernadette was beaming as she spoke "Anyway Howard and I talked it over and we want to name her Penelope after Penny…. If it's ok with you Leonard"

There followed the second stunned silence in only a few minutes. Leonard's smile had disappeared and Bernadette started to fear that perhaps it would be to upsetting to name her daughter after his late wife. Leonard had to cough to clear the catch in his throat, but before he could speak Bernadette let out a small gasp.

"Ooh the baby just kicked! Here Leonard have a feel"

Bernadette placed Leonard's hand on her stomach and they waited a few seconds until baby Penny began kicking again.

"Thank you" he whispered through happy tears

And silently they both wondered whether this was Penny's way of saying she approved.

**THE END.**

**I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to review this story. I know the content at times was very emotional, but I thought writing a fanfic which explores how Leonard might cope in a world without Penny would be worthwhile. Many thanks again for your reviews.**

**BBT78**


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